blue hills

Not really a radio play, the days of our lives, but the saga of Mr Bin Guardin' seems to have no end.

Two weeks ago yet another letter arrived from Council. No wonder our rates are so high.

Re: Placement of Waste & Recycling Receptacles – 11 K Court, Frankston

Due to the waste and recycling collection difficulties and the parking issues in K Court we have reviewed the current placement…

Recently Council requested that you place your waste & recycling bins on the nature strip of 12 K Court to assist with the collection. However, due to the parking issues in this area, we request that you now place… on the western boundary of the nature strip of number 12 closest to number 11 to avoid any future collection difficulties and complaints. Please see attached map.

Sorry I don't have a scanner and this is the best I can do with screen dumps and Microsoft paint, but I think you get the drift.

The letter continues overleaf with a schematic diagram of the minimum distance required between each receptacle in order to facilitate the free movement of the truck's lifting arms.

No one has reported seeing Mr Bin Guardin' out front with a theodolite to determine the maximum distance our bins may encroach on his nature strip, but it's a strong probability he has at least used a tape at some stage.

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In our last episode, the Peelers came to discuss the situation with individual households.

Mr C on the other side was advised to try not to upset Mr Bin Guardin' as he was clearly a man on the edge. Bad enough he rings the cop shop every day without fail [sometimes more than once] but they would hate it if they had to deal with a shooting as well.

[Mrs C said they didn't mention whether or not he has a registered firearm.]

I have, in any case, taken to parking the blue broomstick on the other side of the court. This was primarily because parking it under a tree leads to unwelcome deposits on the roof that I cannot reach without carrying out a set of steps.

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Each collection eve I carefully place bins in the appropriate space precisely along the western boundary of number 12 though, I must confess, I do not have a ruler with me to measure the regulation distance between each of the aforementioned receptacles. Clearly I would never get a job setting the table at the palace.

Each collection morn, TO leaps out of bed to check whether bin drivers have clear access to bins. This morning, tradesmen had taken up the entire length of Bin Guardin's nature strip and encroached onto some of ours.

TO asked the agreeable tradesmen would they please ensure driver had access to bins. While she spoke to one, another was on a mobile saying something like "but we cannot build a fence to that height without a council permit". A few minutes later he shrugged and said, "Oh well, let's just do what he says".

Tradesmen uncoupled their trailer leaving space for rubbish collector. As I said, most agreeable types, they were.

Given the very short height of the fence between our house and number 12, I find this latest evidence of paranoia extraordinary. If he wishes to increase the height of the boundary fence as well, this would mean actually talking to us. [Well, maybe not.] This would also defeat the purpose of deliberately drilling and poisoning the two trees in our garden that once blocked sunlight from reaching his back porch.

Sorry I'm too short to take a photo showing clearly how disproportionately high his new front fence will be.

Note how meticulous the man is, having arranged for his post box pillar to be elevated using carefully matched bricks.

Note, too, that not only can we see into his front yard from upstairs, but occupants across the road can probably see him taking a crap, simply by standing at the top of their driveways.

The fence might mean he will no longer notice whenever someone parks in "his" space at the front of number 12 – something he relies on to know when he should dash out and take a photo.

We await the installation of CCTV.