TAOISM – if you understand shit, it isn’t shit
HINDUISM – this shit happened before
CONFUCIANISM – Confucius say ‘shit happens’
BUDDHISM – shit will happen to you again
ZEN – what is the sound of shit happening?
ISLAM – if shit happens it is the will of Allah
SIKHISM – leave our shit alone
JEHOVAH’S WITNESSISM – knock knock: shit’s coming
ATHEISM – I don’t believe this shit
AGNOSTICISM – can you prove shit happens?
CATHOLICISM – if shit happens you deserve it
PROTESTANTISM – shit happens; can I have an amen?
JUDAISM – why does shit always happen to us?
AMERICAN JUDAISM – so shit happens, already
TELEVANGELISM – send money or shit will happen to you
RASTAFARIANISM – this is good shit!
HARE KRISHNAISM – shit happens, rama rama
JIHADISM – don’t take no shit
NEW AGEISM – visualise shit happening
SHINTO – you inherit the shit of your ancestors
HEDONISM – I love it when shit happens
SATANISM – sneppah tihs
CAPITALISM – this is my shit!
FEMINISM – men are shit
EXISTENTIALISM – what is shit, anyway
SCIENTOLOGY – if shit happens, see Dianetics p 137
MORMONISM – excrement happens
BAPTISM – we’re gonna wash that shit right outa your hair
MYSTICISM – this is really weird shit
VOODOOISM – shit doesn’t just happen, we make it happen
DISNEYISM – bad shit doesn’t happen here
COMMUNISM – let’s share this shit
MARXISM – you have nothing to lose but your shit
CONSPIRACY THEORISM – they shit on us!
PSYCHOANALYSIS – tell me about your shit
DARWINISM – survival of the shittiest
AMISHISM – modern shit is shit
SUICIDALISM – I’ve had enough of this shit
OPTIMISM – shit won’t happen to me
TREKISM – to boldly shit where no one has shit before
SHAKESPEARIANISM – to shit or not to shit, that is the question
CARTESIAN-ISM – I shit, therefore I am
FREUDIAN-ISM – shit is a phallic symbol
LEGAL PROFESSIONALISM – for enough money, I can get you out of this shit
ACUPUNCTURISTISM – hold still, or this will hurt like shit
DOG-ISM – I just shit in your shoe
CAT-ISM – dogs are shit
MOUSE-ISM – oh shit, a cat!
POLITICALLY CORRECTIVISM – internally processed nutritionally drained biological output happens
EINSTEINISM – shit is relative
FAMILY BARBECUISM – relatives are shit
MATERIALISM – whoever dies with the most shit wins
VEGETARIANISM – if it shits, don’t eat it
FATALISM – oh shit, it’s going to happen
ENVIRONMENTALISM – shit is biodegradable
AMERICANISM – the government caused this shit
AUSTRALIANISM - who gives a shit
STATISTICIANISM – shit is 84.7% likely to happen
GANGSTA RAP-ISM – motherfuck this shit, you honkie ho beatch
CYNICISM – we are all full of shit
SURREALISM – fish happens
WICCANISM – you can make shit happen, but shit will happen three times
Earlier this year, I had a laugh with brother number 2 and his wife, at my mother’s expense. The laugh – at my mother’s expense – became something of a running gag over a weekend shared at Noosa.
While SIL2 and I ordered our Sunday lunch , B2 wandered off, returning 5 minutes later with a gift for me. It was a bumper sticker which reads:
I’VE TURNED INTO MY MOTHER!