Some of us gels, after reaching a certain age, become less hairy. Sadly, most of us become more hirsute than ever. Perhaps a cuppla thousand years ago the Jimmy Edwards look garnered respect for a woman's advanced age and wisdom. Not now.
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Several purveyors of the service have assured me that electrolysis is really only effective on dark hair. Bugga. This leaves me with only two options for the moustache and beard; dreadlocks with macramé beading… or waxing.
It was that time again and so a few nights ago I whacked what was left of a tub of wax in the microwave.
While I turned away – only long enough to load a 5 in 1 generic brand tablet in the dishwasher, mind – the wax started to boil, burning a whopping great hole through the arse of the tub.
Wax oozed and lava’d its way towards the edge of the glass plate in the microwave.
“Oh bugga” sez I, thinking I could get the wax off the glass plate but if it spilled over onto the enamel interior of the microwave casing, it would be big trouble.
In my haste to stop the oozing, I quickly pulled the tub out of the microwave to fling in the bin, praying there was enough rubbish in there to stop the lot just burning a whole in the bottom of the bin liner. Hot wax stuck to, and burned, my fingers as I tried to quickly mop up some of the excess from the glass plate with paper towelling, flinging great gobs of immovable and undislodgeable wax all over the place.
A 30ish comedienne [who shall remain nameless for legal reasons] once did the “Yew and Yucchhh” thing on the Teev about nursing home staff having to shave the faces of female residents at regular intervals.
She’s blonde and un-electrolysisable. If there is a god she will one day be a female were-wolf.
** spent hours looking for a picture of JE with sideburns, and the next day found a perfect picture on another blogger's blog. Go Jane.
