I bumped into one of our former neighbours the other day.
He liked a drink, did this chap. He liked a drink so much that after he had a drink he decided he would like a drink. Well, I think you can see the pattern.
Thing was, he was finally booze-bussed. Busted for driving while drunk and unlicensed because he had been busted for driving while drunk so many times before. His car was impounded by the sheriff's office because there were so many fines outstanding. This meant that he lost his job because he was a traveller for some mob what makes custom-fitted aluminium framed windows and doors.
Because he lost his job and couldn’t manage on the dole unless he stopped drinking, he missed a few mortgage payments and at the mortgagee auction the bank was happy to sell up for just enough to recover the amount currently owed. His wife didn’t even get a chance to kick him out. She couldn’t find a place to rent anywhere, so took their teenage kids home to live with her parents in Upper Congupna Downs.
When I bumped into him, he had a filthy great hurty looking black eye, so I asked him what happened.
He said he knew he couldn’t sink any further when he woke up one morning in a gutter. After he managed to stand up and get his balance he looked around, wondering where he could get a drink, and realised he was on the corner of a busy intersection where there is a church. There was a big sign outside the church that said “Jesus Loves You”. It ticked him off.
He went inside the church and started bellowing at the Big Boss.
“You love me do you, you bastard. Call yourself a God? What sort of God are you? You reckon you love me? I lost me licence, I lost me car, I lost me job, I lost me house… apart from taking my wife and kids away, what have you ever done for me? Tell me, why me? WHY ME?”
That was when he got the shiner. There was a rush of wind inside the roof of the church and a big fist came down and just when it smote him he heard a booming voice say “YOU SHIT ME, THAT’S WHY!”