We tried
various positions - round the back, on the side, up against a wall...
but in
the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden was the only place
for a good shed.
She stood
before me, trembling in my shed. "I'm yours for the night," she
gasped, "You can do whatever you want with me."
So I took
her to McDonalds.
She knelt
before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then harder until
finally it came. I moaned with pleasure.
Now for
the other boot.
Ever
since she read THAT book, I've had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and
shackles.
She still
manages to get into the shed, though.
"Put
on this rubber suit and mask," I instructed, calmly.
"Mmmm,
kinky!" she purred.
"Yes,"
I said, "You can't be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed
roof."
"I'm
a very naughty girl," she said, biting her lip. "I need to be punished."
So I
invited my mum to stay for the weekend.
"Harder!"
she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. "Harder!"
"Okay,"
I said. "What's the gross national product of Nicaragua
I lay
back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window.
Despite
my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come
up a
treat.
"Are
you sure you can take the pain?" she demanded, brandishing stilettos. "I
think so," I gulped.
"Here
we go, then," she said, and showed me the receipt.
"Hurt
me!" she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench.
"Very
well," I replied. "You've got fat ankles and no dress sense."
"Are
you sure you want this?" I asked. "When I'm done, you won't be able
to sit down for weeks." She nodded.
"Okay,"
I said, putting the three-piece suite on eBay.
"Punish
me!" she cried. "Make me suffer like only a real man can!"
"Very
well," I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.
Oh my, too funny!!!
ReplyDeleteHahahahaha! Very funny FC! Now if the book was actually as funny as this I might consider giving it a read..
ReplyDeleteWell FC, I think this may be better than the book, but I haven't read the book and probably won't so your's is bigger and better for me.
ReplyDeleteHonestly peoples, I don't understand the fuss [not that I've read it either]. Has someone just invented nooky, or what?
ReplyDeleteInterestingly, book 2 appeared a few weeks ago in a local remainder shop for $5. Nobody else seems to be buying it either.
By the year 2013 no child will..., no, take two. By the year 2013 no blogger will have not used a corruption of Fifty Shades of Grey as a subject line.
ReplyDeleteGood laugh, with the last couple of lines being the piece de resistance.
Yeah Andrew, I thought the last topic was the topper.
DeleteOh very VERY good!! Weird though that none of us seem to have read 'the book'?? Was shopping down in the cheap seat suburbs the other day and there seemed to be THREE volumes of SoG for sale in the newsagent toss out bins? Either it's not working for the masses, or it's fearful dreck! But I'm afraid I shall have to wait for someone else to tell me ...
ReplyDeleteRed, perhaps our little blog-circle is made up of slightly mature types - you included - so I doubt anyone would have anything new to tell you.
DeleteVery very clever. So, have you read it?? Ah I just read your comments, you haven't read it like the rest of us.
ReplyDeleteYes Diane it is clever - which might be a hint I didn't write it. And no, I haven't read it; but I would never let a lack of research get in the way of a good laugh!
Delete