Some of us gels, after reaching a certain age, become less hairy. Sadly, most of us become more hirsute than ever. Perhaps a cuppla thousand years ago the Jimmy Edwards look garnered respect for a woman's advanced age and wisdom. Not now.
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Several purveyors of the service have assured me that electrolysis is really only effective on dark hair. Bugga. This leaves me with only two options for the moustache and beard; dreadlocks with macramé beading… or waxing.
It was that time again and so a few nights ago I whacked what was left of a tub of wax in the microwave.
While I turned away – only long enough to load a 5 in 1 generic brand tablet in the dishwasher, mind – the wax started to boil, burning a whopping great hole through the arse of the tub.
Wax oozed and lava’d its way towards the edge of the glass plate in the microwave.
“Oh bugga” sez I, thinking I could get the wax off the glass plate but if it spilled over onto the enamel interior of the microwave casing, it would be big trouble.
In my haste to stop the oozing, I quickly pulled the tub out of the microwave to fling in the bin, praying there was enough rubbish in there to stop the lot just burning a whole in the bottom of the bin liner. Hot wax stuck to, and burned, my fingers as I tried to quickly mop up some of the excess from the glass plate with paper towelling, flinging great gobs of immovable and undislodgeable wax all over the place.
A 30ish comedienne [who shall remain nameless for legal reasons] once did the “Yew and Yucchhh” thing on the Teev about nursing home staff having to shave the faces of female residents at regular intervals.
She’s blonde and un-electrolysisable. If there is a god she will one day be a female were-wolf.
** spent hours looking for a picture of JE with sideburns, and the next day found a perfect picture on another blogger's blog. Go Jane.
That sounds like a scary and tiresome adventure.
ReplyDeleteIs light hair easily noticeable? Do you have tons of it?
I have a skin condition that makes me look like I have a mustache. It doesn't seem easily treatable, so I'm hoping female mustaches someday become fashionable.
LOL - someone is bound to start reading this and go "Aaagh - way too much information!"
DeleteYes, I have tons of peach fuzz, especially on the side of my face. Just like my mother - well, not so much because I've left it alone.
Because it's light it's far less noticeable. The good news is that a lot of younger people are less likely to inspect older faces than young ones. And as I've grown older my not so hot eyesight has deteriorated so I can't see it too well either[god is kind].
I did suggest to my mother sometimes that she should not stand with her back to a window when the sun is streaming in - it creates a halo effect!
The moustache and beard are tougher. In principle I don't care, but I'm as desperate as anyone else to be inconspicuous.
Good luck with the fashion thing.
I did overhear some youngish blokes talking once about how different cultures feel about female hair. If they are right, Europeans don't care if women are as hairy as orang-utans, US-ians are obsessive about women not having any hair, and Orstrailyens are somewhere in between.
You might have to migrate.
I am sure it is a sign of age and wisdom, sadly it seems neither is held in much regard these days.
ReplyDeleteAnd you are right too much information my ability to imagine you as a Grecian goddess are now in tatters.
WTMI!
ReplyDeleteOh Big Dog, and Andrew... weak stomachs, eh?
ReplyDeleteThat was an unfortunate dilemma nothing worse than cleaning up spilt wax. Its all too much bother for me I just use an electric razor. I get scared and wonder what will happen when I lose my marbles and can't do it anymore. Hope someone else will do it for me. Growing old has its drawbacks.
ReplyDeleteDiane, I sincerely hope you do not lose your marbles but if you do, it probably won't bother you anyway.
DeleteHahaa, this is such a funny post.
ReplyDeleteSo is the reaction of the 2 men. Indian women are natural goddesses btw, just saying :)
I should write a post about bad hair days in my Dumb Drunk & Racist blog- we had them every single day!
Thank you Radhika, and yes, Andrew and Big Dog provided the best laughs of all.
DeleteYou certainly had a hectic schedule for the filming of DD&R. As much as travel can be rewarding, it can also be rather draining when you lose the freedom to decide where you shall go and when, and I'm sure some of the accommodation was less than 5 star.
Of course, you have a natural advantage over me, not just because all Indian women are goddesses, but also because your traditional dress includes a scarf.
I'm looking forward to more revelations about your journey. Thanks for dropping in.